Telepopmusik - Breathe

People...well, I get it, but it kind of sucks.

Its Tuesday. Still no stable ground. This is hell on my head- the inability to make any sort of commitment, compounded by my disdain for releasing words (said and unsaid) that have little to no chance of becoming flesh. Though hypocrisy is inevitable by virtue of being human, I'd still like to strive. And since word is bond, I'm not gonna make any promises, both said and unsaid, that have little chance of happening. At least, not any that I'm not gonna try for. Without stable ground, its just hard to realistically start building. Start planning. I believe it was Churchill that said that plans are, by large, useless, but planning is indispensable. Ug. It's a sure recipe for headaches, but I buy it. On credit.

Ok. So I have immunization shots on Thurs. I have a one way ticket. I have a passport. All for a gig that may or may not happen. I may just be fREAKING oUTTT!, but hell. 12 days til departure...I think it's due.

Saw Tony 'n the gang yesterday. They seem to be on shaky ground themselves, but have each other. So that's good. Wish I could stay, but I've changed. Grown ? Devolved ? Puzzle pieces that no longer have that snug fit, it seems. Bleh. Now's not the time, I suppose. HE'S GETTING FUCKING MARRIED. To the sugar mama (haha). And I gotta start building some sort of foundations for this thing called life. Rambling's fun and fun is important, but its not the only thing. (I dig this term [fucking Psych]-) Necessary, but not sufficient. Blerg. My head hurts from thinking. On the fun side, they live by a dominatrix house. Jay, the quasi-manager there, is pretty cool shit.

Girl - I dig her and I think we can be good for each other, especially with the upcoming times, but I just wonder if it'll require too much energy for the both of us. Energy that we can't spare. If we bring each other to some height without ground, then a fall's inevitable. And my bones are tired. My muscles already bruised. It may make one or the other afraid of heights (again). But I dig heights. Heights are great. You can see things and the air is so fuckin' crisp. So....yeah. Arg. Even communication can be a bitch. My phone sucks and I've burned through pages, trying to cram ideas and me into letters, but...I wonder if that's even possible. Maybe I'm just too much of a closet perfectionist. Or just too woogly.

Good news- I got my MCAT scores back. I could've done better, but hell - I guess I'm just too much a fan of fun. It is above the national average, so yeah ! Take that. MM!